Operation Dos Marias (Two Marys) and a Half a Jesus

Two female pygmies (daughters) equals two potential Marys (Mother of Jesus) equals.... crying, fighting, more crying and a little bit of crying. Even fate couldn't predict the volatility of this situation. Being the "GIC" (Guy-in-Charge", pronounced GEEK) I needed to resolve this situation quickly as to avoid longterm emotional drama. This shouldn't be difficult... right? Incorrect!

Solution 1. Let's make it fair..."Who was Mary last year?" Well the older pygmy was Mary last year and she made the seemingly valid point that the younger pygmy was just too young to be Mary last year because she couldn't read the lines... SOOO we shouldn't count the fact that she was Mary last year. (Meanwhile Ramona, the younger pygmy, is pointing her finger at the older pygmy and saying that she is just a liar and MEAN! Not using her inside voice.)

Solution 2. "I am going to flip a coin." Seemed like an okay plan until older pygmy LOST! "In your FACE!" Came the shout from the younger female pygmy. This unprovoked attack on the older pygmy was met with immediate retaliation in the form of a shove and crying (loud crying with some strange language being yelled out while she cried. I will need to get in touch with a linguistics expert to try to piece that conversation together.) I found the speed at which the situation was moving to be somewhat ahead of my reaction time and before I could effectively intervene the smaller female pygmy started sing-songing "I'm Maaa-ry! I'm Maaa-ry!..." Which didn't seem very "Mary-ish", if you ask me, but then, I'm not a theologian. Maybe Mary was a little sassy... who really knows?

Desperation Solution 3. "FINE! You can both be Mary!" There was confused silence from the battling miniature females. BRIEF silence...  "DAAAAAD! Jesus can't have two mommies!!" came the reply from the smaller, yet more fiery, of the two foes, "That's not the way Jesus was borned!"

I was tired and a bit ornery and I promise I meant no deep disrespect to any religion or religious person by what came out of my mouth next, but when you have been listening to screaming and crying for thirty minutes straight you just get CRAZY! "Actually it is! That's why it was a miracle! Half a Jesus came from each Mary and they glued the whole Jesus together with superglue. That's why they called it a miracle..."!

(I know.... I'm SO going to hell.)

Stunned silence on two levels from both of the micro-sized female noise machines...

The older female just jutted her chin out at me and squinted a disgusted look at me while the younger and smallish female tilted her head to side and squinted in a "quizzical" way... I could tell she was contemplating the practicality of my sacrilege.  They both just walked away... still squinting.... but not YELLING!!

Mission Accomplished!