Santa... Just Another Old White Guy Exploiting the Little People

You know it's coming... it's just a matter of time at this point... sadly.

"Today here at the "not-so-bright-but-highly-offended" news programs we caught a glimpse the cases being filed against Mr. Santa Clause.  In fact, we are now joining a press conference by special-super-hero-lawyer Gloria All-Red. Here we see Ms. All-Red stepping up to the microphone stand at the press conference with an angry elvish man and his pregnant "little person" wife sniffling into a tissue. Let's listen in...

"Today I am announcing that I will be representing Ms. Anita Stayshort in her lawsuit against Mr. Santa, the fictional, Clause. We intend to show that Mr. Clause may provide a good job with excellent benefits, but that he requires the "little men" to work an hour or two extra during the busy hoiday season, leaving "stay-at-home" mommies to deal with actual "hobbit hole" issues. At times these "overtime hours" could extend as much as an hour and a half per WEEK.

"We want to preserve my client's dignity and we would ask that you wait for the made-for-TV mini-series on Lifetime Channel before you start casting judgement on this case.

"I will also be representing Mr. Rudulph "the red" Reindeer, who is suing Mr. Clause for some unspecified personal damages. Mr. RRNR has evidence that shows that Mr. Clause overlooked all safety precautions and allowed Mr. RRNR to "guide his sleigh" that foggy night WITHOUT waiting for proper insurance coverage or certificate of flight school training completion.  It was this lack of training and proper handling of paperwork that allowed my client to suffer irreparable emotional trauma and lingering effects to his self confidence because of the asterick being placed next to his record breaking statistics for that one night.

"We will also show that, previous to that Foggy Christmas Eve, Mr. Clause allowed a hostile work environment where "name calling" occurred at least twice as the reindeer gathered for their games. This name calling occured over a 2 year period. The other reindeer would, in fact refuse to play with my client, using names like "Dumbo". This name calling pushed my client to drop out of flight school and to fall into a "toxic relationship" with an un-licensed practicing dentist and his "gold digger" ex-lover." 

Cameras pan over to Mr. Red Nose Reindeer, "I can't just get those years back! Where is my compensation for these lost years, SANTA?"


I will be keeping an eye on this developing news story for you and let you know if the situation changes in this very volatile situation.  So check back with us as we follow this story for you, right here on this blog post.